Body aching all over today. Now I'm thinking maybe I've got too much iron build up in my blood. I have hemochromotosis and that's when you don't process iron and it builds up and causes body pain. I am hurting so bad from my back pain and my neck is very tense and causing a low level tension headache. I finally took iburprofen as nothing works when I reach this state. I'd love a hot bath but I know I need to ice my back for the inflammation this pain is causing.
We were in the studio today working on the final song of the CD. It went well. I noticed how calm and grounded I felt. I can only thank God because I know it's from my abstinence. I was very present and other than my pain felt happy. Peaceful. Surrendering to what was happening.
I weighed again today and the scale still showed the same weight. But I have no attachment to it. I'm not freaked or anything. My tummy is horribly swollen as well for no particular reason. I am wrapping up my monthly cycle so I'm thinking things will level out in a day or so.
I got home from the studio around 4pm famished but knowing I would be eating dinner soon. After some pondering on what I could do to curb the hunger without eating, I drank a bit of grape juice/seltzer mix. It did the trick and I was able to cook up the hamburgers and kale and sit down to a nice moderate abstinent meal. Happy face.
My Tools:
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2 comments:
Ahhhhh, there we go. Thanks Christina.
Welllll, it sounds as tho you are doing really great w/ your abstinence.
I have been trying really hard for the past several days to do better and have succeeded. Of course, not until I reach that 100% compliance again will I be truly happy. BUT there I go.........not living in the NOW.
I recently got the books The Power of Now and New Earth by Eckert Tolle. One sentence from TPON sums it all up IMHO:
"...the inability of humans to free themselves from dominance by the mind and live in the present is the root cause for misery in the world."
How true. I am always thinking ahead. Last night when I had Minka and Sachi out, I was standing there thinking about Jamie and family. 'Obsessing' over the situation there. Then I remembered that line and 'snapped out of it'. It is true. We can't change what we did yesterday, we can't predict tomorrow, we have to live in today, in the NOW. I am really going to practice doing just that.
Re: food.This morning so far, I've had:
a small piece of fried chicken (fried in ghee and evoo) and a very small piece of zucchini bread (which by the way I posted on BTD forums yesterday) and am now enjoying my new favorite tea, thanks to you :-)....bancha, w/ a little agave and the 'evil' Mimic Creme LOL
Do I have to give up EVERYTHING? LOL Tho I gotta tell ya, last night I had a moment that scared me good. I reached to put the colanders back up on a high shelf and a searing pain ripped through the right side of my chest. (in hindsight it prob had more to do w/ my ribhead situation than my heart) Then I was upset because my nitro pills were nowhere in sight. Luckily Rich was in the house. The pain passed, I got my nitro pills and am going to make a much more conscious effort to keep them on me. Plus my cell phone. Didn't have that on me either yesterday. I usually do and if that had really been something to worry about, I could've been in trouble.
So my thinking is not in the NOW at this moment, but in cases such as this, I think I should make an exception. ;-)
I see from where your eating addiction came. Your mom ate a whole box of Cocoa Krispies. Youch!!! I don't know if I could eat a WHOLE box, but I could eat a fair share if I were still eating that stuff LOL
Put a homemade chocolate cake w/ chocolate peanut butter icing in from of me and let's see what the story is. ;-)
Sorry things are so strained between you and your mom. Same scenario here. Since Jamie met her husband, things have been like that w/ us. Just goes from bad to worse. Tell me, how does one not think out of the NOW about that? Especially when there are g'kids involved? :-(
I have had the same thought Christina........I could have died many times and her none the wiser. Or been hospitalized. The only reason I would have called her would have been because of the girls. How sad. But ya know, there comes a time when you run out of giving, hope, and dispair over it. Then too, you wonder.......do they even care? I mean really care. Not just lip service, but really love you enough to care that you might die, be hospitalized? Care enough to take an action that SHOWS it. Talk means nothing. It's the actions that tell the tale.
Hopefully you are feeling better today. Keep up the good work girl. I'm proud of you. You have been and continue to be an inspiration to me. HUGS
Gotta run......I have a lunch date w/ a new friend. My whole second friend I've made here in 10 years. :-( Guess if I weren't so choosy about who my friends were......;-)
Hey Woman.. I really enjoyed your post. I was glad to see that you are reading Eckert. He can be tough to grasp. I'm reading one right now by Robert Johnson called Balancing Heaven and Earth. It's really helping me stay present. It's funny your little dog is named Sachi... I told you that right? My husband who died of cancer, that was his Indian name and means "One Who Runs In Light." Yes, you have to let your kids go and just love um. It's tough... because 'we think' we know better from our lifetime of experience but maybe we don't because they have to learn the only way the Universe can teach them which is the same way we all learned, hard knocks and getting burned by those hot stoves. I've got more burns than I care to mention but they certainly remind me now in this wonderful stage of my life that I'm human and real and my heart has opened because of them...
Thanks so much for posting. Please keep it up!
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