Whoa... almost 30!
The slightest bit of obsession has been trying to creep in about the scale. I find I am scared to get on it these days for some reason and because of that I've been getting on it! For 4 days in a row I've been holding the new number. I can't believe it! I mean I'm following my plan and all but I feel swollen a bit. I've learned you can have a swollen tummy and still not be fatter than you were! Ha.. I think this is from my monthly hormone shift toward my cycle. It will be interesting to see how I move through that this month with abstinence and see how the cravings come if they do. I know one thing, I've been increasingly hungry before meals lately. I'm going to keep a tab on that and see if that is a monthly thing.
In that regard, this is Day 22 of the cycle, so technically I'm supposed to start my cycle in 2 days but I am in peri so that's debatable! :) So definitely cravings would be normal but I'm not really having them. I'm just feeling extra hungry. Humm... very very interesting!
Did alot of cooking this morning and also made homemade pumpkin pie ice cream using MimicCreme, http://www.mimiccreme.com. It was delicious. I had it with my lunch.
At any rate, my neck pain continues. This week it has been very bad. Not sleeping at all and last night was the worst. I have been singing a bit in the studio... maybe that in contributing.
I've been also reading here and there when I get a few minutes about dieing. A book called "Who Dies" is fabulous. Really brings one to the present moment about life, let me tell you.
I have Lamb in the oven. I want to get some paperwork done and some singing. I have a lot of prep to do before Tues. Boy I'll be glad when this push is over.
My Tools:
"No random eating inbetween 3 moderate meals per day, no matter what."
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Day 24
Don't mean to lapse, but I have to set priorities these days as far as working in the studio and cooking healthy abstinent meals. Still going and don't plan on letting go ever. I give thanks everyday for the freedom I have found. I also am down another lb... so that makes 5 total so far. I'm very happy with that progress.
The MOST IMPORTANT THING IS MY ABSTINENCE. All else pales in comparison to being truly abstinent. That is what I know down to the core of my bones. Thank God. Thank you God.
I ate some bad almonds two days in a row and man did I pay for it two nights in a row. The 2nd night worse than the first as the toxins had built up in my system. Sigh.
But I'm better now, just very tired from it all.
Here is a recipe I posted at Dr. D'Adamo's site. which has some fantastic recipes if you are interested in looking them over:
http://www.dadamo.com/typebase4/recipedepictor7x.cgi?1051
Now I'm always having these great insights at night in my dream state or when I am away from the computer somewhere else and I always tell myself... 'man I have to post about this.' And then I completely forget when I sit here. Sigh.
Would sure appreciate anyone feeling the love and support here to chime in. It's getting lonely! :)
My Tools:
"No random eating inbetween 3 moderate meals per day, no matter what."
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
The MOST IMPORTANT THING IS MY ABSTINENCE. All else pales in comparison to being truly abstinent. That is what I know down to the core of my bones. Thank God. Thank you God.
I ate some bad almonds two days in a row and man did I pay for it two nights in a row. The 2nd night worse than the first as the toxins had built up in my system. Sigh.
But I'm better now, just very tired from it all.
Here is a recipe I posted at Dr. D'Adamo's site. which has some fantastic recipes if you are interested in looking them over:
http://www.dadamo.com/typebase4/recipedepictor7x.cgi?1051
Now I'm always having these great insights at night in my dream state or when I am away from the computer somewhere else and I always tell myself... 'man I have to post about this.' And then I completely forget when I sit here. Sigh.
Would sure appreciate anyone feeling the love and support here to chime in. It's getting lonely! :)
My Tools:
"No random eating inbetween 3 moderate meals per day, no matter what."
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Day 21
Well finally I got here. Had to go shopping all day for groceries, etc. It's so tiring. We travel to the mainland by Ferry to go to Costco and Fred Meyer so we can save money as groceries here are a bit much. Not horribly so, but every little bit adds up.
I can't remember all I had to tell, except I had a horrid night two nights ago with a migrane delux. Had to take Ibuprofen which I absolutely hate to do. The next day I was dizzy and in awful pain and totally nauseated. I think the pain made me nauseas it was so bad.
I hung in there with my meals and recovery.
Nothing too personal to report. I have left the kitchen in total disarray as I need to go down and spend a couple of hours working on music stuff in preparation for Tuesdays studio session. I mean, I've been at it since breakfast... so I'm tired and my feet hurt! And if I don't get some stuff ready for the studio, I'm going to be sorry! Priorities priorities!
Oh I seem to be down 4 lbs now. The scale seems to jump up a couple, then down one, then up one, then down two. It's kind of weird. But it's never gone back to where it started.
And I read a very inspiring article about a woman who took it very very slow just adding the word healthy to her meals and exericsing. In 6 months she lost 30 lbs. That's 5 lbs a month. After a year she had lost 45 lbs. Then 8 months after that she lost the final 20. I really liked this because she's been holding her weight for 3 years now. Plus there was no deprivation or starvation or severe calorie cutting. My hub always says that the slower you loose it, the more success you will have keeping it off. I believe him.
The thing to do is to establish that bottom line abstinence, mine is: "No Random Eating inbetween 3 moderate meals per day, no matter what." Then forget it about the word diet and go forward in your life. It's freedom, let me tell you!
My Tools:
My bottom line for abstinence:
"No random eating inbetween 3 moderate meals per day, no matter what."
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
I can't remember all I had to tell, except I had a horrid night two nights ago with a migrane delux. Had to take Ibuprofen which I absolutely hate to do. The next day I was dizzy and in awful pain and totally nauseated. I think the pain made me nauseas it was so bad.
I hung in there with my meals and recovery.
Nothing too personal to report. I have left the kitchen in total disarray as I need to go down and spend a couple of hours working on music stuff in preparation for Tuesdays studio session. I mean, I've been at it since breakfast... so I'm tired and my feet hurt! And if I don't get some stuff ready for the studio, I'm going to be sorry! Priorities priorities!
Oh I seem to be down 4 lbs now. The scale seems to jump up a couple, then down one, then up one, then down two. It's kind of weird. But it's never gone back to where it started.
And I read a very inspiring article about a woman who took it very very slow just adding the word healthy to her meals and exericsing. In 6 months she lost 30 lbs. That's 5 lbs a month. After a year she had lost 45 lbs. Then 8 months after that she lost the final 20. I really liked this because she's been holding her weight for 3 years now. Plus there was no deprivation or starvation or severe calorie cutting. My hub always says that the slower you loose it, the more success you will have keeping it off. I believe him.
The thing to do is to establish that bottom line abstinence, mine is: "No Random Eating inbetween 3 moderate meals per day, no matter what." Then forget it about the word diet and go forward in your life. It's freedom, let me tell you!
My Tools:
My bottom line for abstinence:
"No random eating inbetween 3 moderate meals per day, no matter what."
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
Friday, August 22, 2008
Day 19
I'm hanging in there with the abstinence I'm sick tonight with what is threatening to be a bad sinus infection. Took a bunch of herbs and am going to have tea and go to bed.
But I have a lot to tell... hopefully tomorrow. Sigh.
My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
But I have a lot to tell... hopefully tomorrow. Sigh.
My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Day 17 A bit of Craving!
Well today was a bit stressful as I had to prepare for tomorrow studio session and the song I laid down yesterday I need to change a bit so I had to sit for a few hours and create what needed to be changed. As well, I had to prepare a new song and figure out how to sing it. I basically spent the entire day doing all this. I took time out to do a sauna and eat meals and that was it!
At lunch, we had nice meal and had chocolate afterwards. I felt like eating more. I usually always feel like eating more but this time I almost did! But I remembered I had planned for 2 pieces and that if I decided to eat more, no matter how small of a bite, it would be veering into an abstinent break. So I went and brushed my teeth and carried on with life. Close one!
I always get so hungry around 3:30/4pm so I had some juice as usual. At 5, I went up to cook dinner and it was going to take about an hour and I was famished. So I ate an nectarine while preparing dinner.
I have not been sleeping well due to neck tension. I've got the chiro coming Friday. Tonight I'll take some valerine herb to help me relax.
Onward... and upward!
My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
At lunch, we had nice meal and had chocolate afterwards. I felt like eating more. I usually always feel like eating more but this time I almost did! But I remembered I had planned for 2 pieces and that if I decided to eat more, no matter how small of a bite, it would be veering into an abstinent break. So I went and brushed my teeth and carried on with life. Close one!
I always get so hungry around 3:30/4pm so I had some juice as usual. At 5, I went up to cook dinner and it was going to take about an hour and I was famished. So I ate an nectarine while preparing dinner.
I have not been sleeping well due to neck tension. I've got the chiro coming Friday. Tonight I'll take some valerine herb to help me relax.
Onward... and upward!
My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Day 16
Well, yesterday was slammed so I didn't get to post. Had to get ready for a singing session at the studio as well as do some cooking, etc. etc.
Today I weighed back down 3 lbs from when I first weighed. So who knows. I'm becoming a bit disinterested in it really. HA!!! Maybe that's the plan behind Becky Jacksons suggestion of weighing yourself often so you can become unafraid of the scale.
I know that I'm staying abstinent and having my 3 moderate meals and so I feel good. AND today boy did I feel good. I did. I was happy, peaceful, funny, energetic... and all on less than 8 hours of sleep.
We went out for dinner this evening because Hub needed to get out as he was having a very dark day. So I had a bowl of beef chili with salsa style chips. Corn is better for me than wheat. Hub had desert but I wanted to come home and have a banana which I did.
There's not much to report really. I think I had a pretty good session at the studio. Tomorrow I have to spend alot of time getting ready for the next song, doing some cooking and paperwork.
We are in a push to get this cd done so we can move on to marketing and performing.
I read something today.. the guy said "There is no solid bottom line as there is always a trap door." Oh man, how true. And how good to be reminded of the dangers of that trap door.
My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
Today I weighed back down 3 lbs from when I first weighed. So who knows. I'm becoming a bit disinterested in it really. HA!!! Maybe that's the plan behind Becky Jacksons suggestion of weighing yourself often so you can become unafraid of the scale.
I know that I'm staying abstinent and having my 3 moderate meals and so I feel good. AND today boy did I feel good. I did. I was happy, peaceful, funny, energetic... and all on less than 8 hours of sleep.
We went out for dinner this evening because Hub needed to get out as he was having a very dark day. So I had a bowl of beef chili with salsa style chips. Corn is better for me than wheat. Hub had desert but I wanted to come home and have a banana which I did.
There's not much to report really. I think I had a pretty good session at the studio. Tomorrow I have to spend alot of time getting ready for the next song, doing some cooking and paperwork.
We are in a push to get this cd done so we can move on to marketing and performing.
I read something today.. the guy said "There is no solid bottom line as there is always a trap door." Oh man, how true. And how good to be reminded of the dangers of that trap door.
My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Day 14 - Two Weeks Baby!
Wow... time flies when you are busy and don't think about eating all the time! Actually I do think about it... I think about what my next abstinent meal will be and how to stay moderate. So far so good thanks to my higher power keeping me grounded.
Today again I was deeply fatigued. I poured some coffee mid morning as I was going to use it to try and keep going. I then poured it down the sink and went and laid down. Much better solution. That my friends is taking care of ones self. I woke up feeling better and got busy with the laundry and cleaning I needed to do. Then I worked out. Then I felt awful again. Body hurting all over. Man pain is a tiring thing. Hubby wanted to go to the beach so after lunch we drove out. It was beautiful and relaxing. I read some more of Balancing Heaven and Earth by Robert Johnson. I let the wind blow through me. I took time to just 'be' instead of 'do' as Robert talks about in the book.
I had alot of fear last night around 2:30 about studio costs and I had to remind myself over and over that I need to see the end result and not worry about how I'm getting there. Obviously one has to be frugal and careful but to lay awake in fear over money is silly right now. We are ok today. And we were ok yesterday. That's all I can count on is today. But I will admit the fear had more to do with how I think maybe the studio guy is padding his hours. I don't like to be manipulated and I was during my first CD and so I'm sensitive. But again, I kept having to remind myself... new moment. And don't worry... think on the end result... etc., etc. Man it's tough to get the brain to settle down. It's like an obsessed monkey on speed at times! Ha...
I was back down a lb today. Yesterday I weighed and was up a lb. So in total I have come down 2 lbs in two weeks. Can't ask for a better way to loose! I get to eat delicious moderate healthy meals and keep my brain chemistry balanced. Now if I could only not hurt all over. I hope I haven't let the hemochromotosis go to far this time. I go on Sept 8th in OR to have a blood draw. It's kind of a pain and I hope I can get the same care I was receiving in OR in WA.
I've changed my water so we are drinking tap through a Pure Filter. So other than the hemochromotosis, I can't imagine where this entire body pain and fatigue would come from.
Now I'm off to work on some songs I need to sing in the studio next week. Tomorrow well... I'll think about tomorrow when it arrives. I'm working on staying present, right? :)
My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
Today again I was deeply fatigued. I poured some coffee mid morning as I was going to use it to try and keep going. I then poured it down the sink and went and laid down. Much better solution. That my friends is taking care of ones self. I woke up feeling better and got busy with the laundry and cleaning I needed to do. Then I worked out. Then I felt awful again. Body hurting all over. Man pain is a tiring thing. Hubby wanted to go to the beach so after lunch we drove out. It was beautiful and relaxing. I read some more of Balancing Heaven and Earth by Robert Johnson. I let the wind blow through me. I took time to just 'be' instead of 'do' as Robert talks about in the book.
I had alot of fear last night around 2:30 about studio costs and I had to remind myself over and over that I need to see the end result and not worry about how I'm getting there. Obviously one has to be frugal and careful but to lay awake in fear over money is silly right now. We are ok today. And we were ok yesterday. That's all I can count on is today. But I will admit the fear had more to do with how I think maybe the studio guy is padding his hours. I don't like to be manipulated and I was during my first CD and so I'm sensitive. But again, I kept having to remind myself... new moment. And don't worry... think on the end result... etc., etc. Man it's tough to get the brain to settle down. It's like an obsessed monkey on speed at times! Ha...
I was back down a lb today. Yesterday I weighed and was up a lb. So in total I have come down 2 lbs in two weeks. Can't ask for a better way to loose! I get to eat delicious moderate healthy meals and keep my brain chemistry balanced. Now if I could only not hurt all over. I hope I haven't let the hemochromotosis go to far this time. I go on Sept 8th in OR to have a blood draw. It's kind of a pain and I hope I can get the same care I was receiving in OR in WA.
I've changed my water so we are drinking tap through a Pure Filter. So other than the hemochromotosis, I can't imagine where this entire body pain and fatigue would come from.
Now I'm off to work on some songs I need to sing in the studio next week. Tomorrow well... I'll think about tomorrow when it arrives. I'm working on staying present, right? :)
My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
Friday, August 15, 2008
Day 12 - Tired but Calm
Well today was interesting to say the least. We headed to the studio only to have the keyboard player not show up because he forgot about the session! I had a feeling... one should always listen to those little feelings and follow through with checking them out. Ah... to live and learn, right?
Today I was deeply fatigued. Got up feeling that way after what seemed to be a full nights sleep. But it was hot last evening and we had to run the noisy fan. I felt brain fogged and bone weary. After we got home from the studio, I went straight to the bed and passed out for 1-1/2 hours. It was good I did that. I did not use food or coffee to try and wake up. I took care of my needs.
I am blessed to be able to do that. At work, years ago at one of my first accounting jobs, I had a little storage closet. I used to go in there and lock the door and pass out for 15-20 minutes. Ha... but it worked! Those were in the days I did not drink coffee.
Once I started on coffee, I thought the world was beautiful. It made me happy to be wherever I was. But after a time it began to have a wicked after-affect. It caused me to crave carbs - and not the good carbs mind you. I forget what year I started on it.. but I'm finally only on green teas and yerba mate. No more coffee caffeine. Sometimes I'll have a decaf.
I'm feeling over welmed again at all the housework I have to do and the constant cooking of our meals. It's crazy but if you want to be healthy and balanced, the best way is to make your own food. I enjoy cooking but man food is a mess! Lots of cleanup all the time. I get tired of it all.
I submitted a few of my songs to a country music contest today. And I had previously submitted to a couple of big song writing contests so I'm waiting for one of these babies to take flight.
Well I feel as if I'm just rambling away about nothing spectacular so I'll end this blabbing charade and go back to my kitchen duties. Sigh. Dear God... how about a maid? :)
I give thanks for my life and the good things in it even if I don't have a maid!
My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
Today I was deeply fatigued. Got up feeling that way after what seemed to be a full nights sleep. But it was hot last evening and we had to run the noisy fan. I felt brain fogged and bone weary. After we got home from the studio, I went straight to the bed and passed out for 1-1/2 hours. It was good I did that. I did not use food or coffee to try and wake up. I took care of my needs.
I am blessed to be able to do that. At work, years ago at one of my first accounting jobs, I had a little storage closet. I used to go in there and lock the door and pass out for 15-20 minutes. Ha... but it worked! Those were in the days I did not drink coffee.
Once I started on coffee, I thought the world was beautiful. It made me happy to be wherever I was. But after a time it began to have a wicked after-affect. It caused me to crave carbs - and not the good carbs mind you. I forget what year I started on it.. but I'm finally only on green teas and yerba mate. No more coffee caffeine. Sometimes I'll have a decaf.
I'm feeling over welmed again at all the housework I have to do and the constant cooking of our meals. It's crazy but if you want to be healthy and balanced, the best way is to make your own food. I enjoy cooking but man food is a mess! Lots of cleanup all the time. I get tired of it all.
I submitted a few of my songs to a country music contest today. And I had previously submitted to a couple of big song writing contests so I'm waiting for one of these babies to take flight.
Well I feel as if I'm just rambling away about nothing spectacular so I'll end this blabbing charade and go back to my kitchen duties. Sigh. Dear God... how about a maid? :)
I give thanks for my life and the good things in it even if I don't have a maid!
My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Day 11
Man does the time fly or what! Just yesterday I was committing to my bottom line of "No Random Eating inbetween 3 moderate meals per day, no matter what!"
And I'm still moving forward. My higher Power is helping me. I still feel pudgy and I'm suffering a bit because I have only sloppy loose winter pants that look awful with cool summer tops. I had hoped in my 'control' days' to be thin by now or at least to a point where my stomach didn't look like I was 6 months pregnant! Of course I'm exaggerating based on what my 'vision in the mirror' reveals mixed with shame and a distant guilt from never being able to 'control' myself and be a successful 'normal' eater.
And I mention all that so I can continue to put it behind me moment by moment. All these bad negative thoughts. But at times it's hard when you are hot and feel blubbery on top of being hot. I felt a lot less gross when I was thinner and hot! ha... You gotta laugh at me. At any rate, the truth of this entire matter is that I have a dis-ease and I'm not ashamed of it. It is what it is and man has it really brought me to my knees over and over... seared my pride and continued to humble me. And as I go along continuing my abstinence I expect to learn more and more from this intense teacher I seem to have been born with. Bad Brain chemistry 101. "Yes... right down the hall there... go on in and sign up for a life time of confusion. When you surrender you will move on into Acceptance and Action 101 upstairs in room 2." "You can backslide at any moment, so make sure to say this prayer everyday... "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Today on the scale I remained the same. 3 lbs down. I did my sauna and held to my bottom line, and went about my daily business amazed at how grounded I continue to feel even though I did not sleep enough last night. Normally when I don't sleep enough I crave to keep eating. Today I didn't crave to keep eating.
Thanks God for this day and a good nights sleep tonight. Thanks for good love and friends. Thank you for my life.
My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
And I'm still moving forward. My higher Power is helping me. I still feel pudgy and I'm suffering a bit because I have only sloppy loose winter pants that look awful with cool summer tops. I had hoped in my 'control' days' to be thin by now or at least to a point where my stomach didn't look like I was 6 months pregnant! Of course I'm exaggerating based on what my 'vision in the mirror' reveals mixed with shame and a distant guilt from never being able to 'control' myself and be a successful 'normal' eater.
And I mention all that so I can continue to put it behind me moment by moment. All these bad negative thoughts. But at times it's hard when you are hot and feel blubbery on top of being hot. I felt a lot less gross when I was thinner and hot! ha... You gotta laugh at me. At any rate, the truth of this entire matter is that I have a dis-ease and I'm not ashamed of it. It is what it is and man has it really brought me to my knees over and over... seared my pride and continued to humble me. And as I go along continuing my abstinence I expect to learn more and more from this intense teacher I seem to have been born with. Bad Brain chemistry 101. "Yes... right down the hall there... go on in and sign up for a life time of confusion. When you surrender you will move on into Acceptance and Action 101 upstairs in room 2." "You can backslide at any moment, so make sure to say this prayer everyday... "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Today on the scale I remained the same. 3 lbs down. I did my sauna and held to my bottom line, and went about my daily business amazed at how grounded I continue to feel even though I did not sleep enough last night. Normally when I don't sleep enough I crave to keep eating. Today I didn't crave to keep eating.
Thanks God for this day and a good nights sleep tonight. Thanks for good love and friends. Thank you for my life.
My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Pounds down... Day 10
Didn't post yesterday except on my Meals Post.
I wanted to quickly put this down today and I will add to it later. Got up and weighed and have come down 3 lbs. Yesterday I had come down two. I am in that period of time where I know alot of this is water weight and also finishing up my cycle. But it's still nice to see the loss. The most important thing of all is how I'm feeling which is very grounded within my mind and emotional body.
I can't keep track of what happened yesterday and tonight I have to run and work on music stuff for the studio tomorrow!
I'm so happy Pat posted to the blog! (see Day 8). It's so nice to have a pal online sharing feelings and experiences and working toward being healthy and happy. Thank you Pat.
I'm grateful for yet another day being abstinent and all the other good things that happened today like breathing and feeling the nice weather and my hubby's love. The only thing is my body still hurts all over. I was talking to hubby today about it and remembering that last time my iron was high I was experiencing this.
My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
I wanted to quickly put this down today and I will add to it later. Got up and weighed and have come down 3 lbs. Yesterday I had come down two. I am in that period of time where I know alot of this is water weight and also finishing up my cycle. But it's still nice to see the loss. The most important thing of all is how I'm feeling which is very grounded within my mind and emotional body.
I can't keep track of what happened yesterday and tonight I have to run and work on music stuff for the studio tomorrow!
I'm so happy Pat posted to the blog! (see Day 8). It's so nice to have a pal online sharing feelings and experiences and working toward being healthy and happy. Thank you Pat.
I'm grateful for yet another day being abstinent and all the other good things that happened today like breathing and feeling the nice weather and my hubby's love. The only thing is my body still hurts all over. I was talking to hubby today about it and remembering that last time my iron was high I was experiencing this.
My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
Monday, August 11, 2008
Day 8
Body aching all over today. Now I'm thinking maybe I've got too much iron build up in my blood. I have hemochromotosis and that's when you don't process iron and it builds up and causes body pain. I am hurting so bad from my back pain and my neck is very tense and causing a low level tension headache. I finally took iburprofen as nothing works when I reach this state. I'd love a hot bath but I know I need to ice my back for the inflammation this pain is causing.
We were in the studio today working on the final song of the CD. It went well. I noticed how calm and grounded I felt. I can only thank God because I know it's from my abstinence. I was very present and other than my pain felt happy. Peaceful. Surrendering to what was happening.
I weighed again today and the scale still showed the same weight. But I have no attachment to it. I'm not freaked or anything. My tummy is horribly swollen as well for no particular reason. I am wrapping up my monthly cycle so I'm thinking things will level out in a day or so.
I got home from the studio around 4pm famished but knowing I would be eating dinner soon. After some pondering on what I could do to curb the hunger without eating, I drank a bit of grape juice/seltzer mix. It did the trick and I was able to cook up the hamburgers and kale and sit down to a nice moderate abstinent meal. Happy face.
My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
We were in the studio today working on the final song of the CD. It went well. I noticed how calm and grounded I felt. I can only thank God because I know it's from my abstinence. I was very present and other than my pain felt happy. Peaceful. Surrendering to what was happening.
I weighed again today and the scale still showed the same weight. But I have no attachment to it. I'm not freaked or anything. My tummy is horribly swollen as well for no particular reason. I am wrapping up my monthly cycle so I'm thinking things will level out in a day or so.
I got home from the studio around 4pm famished but knowing I would be eating dinner soon. After some pondering on what I could do to curb the hunger without eating, I drank a bit of grape juice/seltzer mix. It did the trick and I was able to cook up the hamburgers and kale and sit down to a nice moderate abstinent meal. Happy face.
My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Day 7 of Abstinence
So I'm giving myself a token for making it a week. 7 days of abstinence. Today was just a bust as far as sanity. After performances I get completely wiped out the next day. I don't know whether it's my fibromyalgia kicking in or what. My entire body hurts and a dull aching fog bank moves into my brain and doesn't let up until the next morning. At any rate, beyond all that, I was able to hold abstinence. I made it through by listening to my body and going back to bed instead of trying to eat my way through the fatigue. How many times I've done that is not countable. Feeling guilty for not getting stuff done, I would either start in on coffee or sugar or both and of course by the end of the day I was worse than I am now. So I give thanks today that I made it.
I'm also wondering if some of this body pain and fatigue is still due to detoxing from eating bad. I mean you don't get over bad eating in a week. But the only thing I know to do is to keep moving forward holding on to my abstinence for dear life, knowing I will get to feeling better and better as time moves forward.
I did have a moment of wanting to go in and eat today. I mean those cookies are in there and I could have eaten the entire batch. But I turned my attention toward having tea. I spoke with my sister today who is struggling for her life with hep. C and having to deal with the drug they've got her on 'Interferon' which has a 40/50 percent chance of curing her and she is down to 114 lbs at 5'9. The doc did tell her if she didn't gain some weight by the next time he saw her that he was going to take her off the drug. So that scared her into working to force herself to eat.
She also told me about my Mom purchasing a box of Cocoa Krispies and eating the entire box in one sitting. It hurts my heart because I can do nothing for her but pray. She's had this since I've known her and has battled it but won't surrender. She's about to turn 71. I don't know if she is mentally capable of surrendering. She's pretty high strung and anxious and always 'running,' staying so busy that she collapses at the end of the day. Always involved in deep drama. Petty everyday drama. We aren't speaking right now. I invited her to write me a letter when she wants to communicate. She hasn't done it yet. I could die and she wouldn't know it. Or I could look at it like she knows I'm ok. Not sure how to proceed as I've done all I feel I can do for the relationship at this point.
At any rate. Beyond all that, Becky says to get the scale out and weigh yourself. To stop being afraid of it. So yesterday I did and today. Both days showing the same weight. 10 lbs up from where I was the last time I was in 'control' mode. Ha... 'control mode.' Sigh. I'm glad to be done with 'control mode.'
My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
I'm also wondering if some of this body pain and fatigue is still due to detoxing from eating bad. I mean you don't get over bad eating in a week. But the only thing I know to do is to keep moving forward holding on to my abstinence for dear life, knowing I will get to feeling better and better as time moves forward.
I did have a moment of wanting to go in and eat today. I mean those cookies are in there and I could have eaten the entire batch. But I turned my attention toward having tea. I spoke with my sister today who is struggling for her life with hep. C and having to deal with the drug they've got her on 'Interferon' which has a 40/50 percent chance of curing her and she is down to 114 lbs at 5'9. The doc did tell her if she didn't gain some weight by the next time he saw her that he was going to take her off the drug. So that scared her into working to force herself to eat.
She also told me about my Mom purchasing a box of Cocoa Krispies and eating the entire box in one sitting. It hurts my heart because I can do nothing for her but pray. She's had this since I've known her and has battled it but won't surrender. She's about to turn 71. I don't know if she is mentally capable of surrendering. She's pretty high strung and anxious and always 'running,' staying so busy that she collapses at the end of the day. Always involved in deep drama. Petty everyday drama. We aren't speaking right now. I invited her to write me a letter when she wants to communicate. She hasn't done it yet. I could die and she wouldn't know it. Or I could look at it like she knows I'm ok. Not sure how to proceed as I've done all I feel I can do for the relationship at this point.
At any rate. Beyond all that, Becky says to get the scale out and weigh yourself. To stop being afraid of it. So yesterday I did and today. Both days showing the same weight. 10 lbs up from where I was the last time I was in 'control' mode. Ha... 'control mode.' Sigh. I'm glad to be done with 'control mode.'
My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Day 4 - Increased Well Being and Happiness
Well, even throughout my extreme back discomfort which was horrendous last night... couldn't even make it down the stairs without hubby's help, I've had these moments of sunshine sneaking into my brain and bringing me this peaceful joy.
Could it be the 50mg of 5HTP I've started to take at night along with my healthy eating regime? Could it be the freedom abstinence is tasting like for the first time really... I mean... really because I've never let go of the 'why's' and just embraced the 'how's.' There is a huge freedom in letting go of trying to figure it all out and just moving forward with surrender and the current moment at hand.
I don't really know why I have this beautiful calm happiness sneaking into my days, and that is yet another 'why' and so I will just continue to move forward giving thanks.
Along with the happiness is the extreme awareness that has been moving into my thoughts about life for the last several years... a little before my 2nd husbands death, and more afterwards, about how the changes life brings, sting the ole' heart. The constant letting go of people, places, things, memories, as we move forward in our days. There is no holding onto them. They just become old movies and re-runs in the consciousness bringing me a kind of poingent sadness mixed with whatever story they held - whether bad or good. I lay awake many a night pondering this life we take on and move through.
Due to this awareness, I have become increasingly present with what my journey is and how to move through it with grace and humbleness. How to stay motivated to continue to carry on with my work in the world. What else am I here for? I could get distracted with cooking and gardening and reading books but then my voice would not be heard, my stories never told. Maybe for some, that is the journey... but for this soul there is a calling.. a destiny if you will.
I love the place I have come to internally and since being abstinent, I have begun to really let go of my body. I don't mean the desire to keep it healthy and fit but I feel I am letting go of it needing to have the old image in my mind I have carried around for almost 40 years. That is a huge step.
Usually on diet regimes, I immediately begin weighing myself and measuring my body size by trying on my next set of skinny clothes and begin to carry myself differently as I feel the weight loss. But this is a different path now. This is the path to abstinence and sanity. This is not the path to an old model thin image that prances around needing 'lookie-lou' attention from everyone. The old image that says, "because I'm thin, I'm successful in life, and loveable." The old image that says "because I'm thin and wearing the cool thin clothes that I've got my shit together in life."
No this is the pathway to the present moment where I feel whatever I'm feeling and living through it without reaching for food. This is the pathway to the present moment where I am choosing to love myself as I am knowing that I'm ok because I have a disease that I don't have to be ashamed of. That I'm NOT the disease and that with my higher powers help and my willingness to allow that help by surrendering that I can make it to my steak dinner tonight!
My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
Could it be the 50mg of 5HTP I've started to take at night along with my healthy eating regime? Could it be the freedom abstinence is tasting like for the first time really... I mean... really because I've never let go of the 'why's' and just embraced the 'how's.' There is a huge freedom in letting go of trying to figure it all out and just moving forward with surrender and the current moment at hand.
I don't really know why I have this beautiful calm happiness sneaking into my days, and that is yet another 'why' and so I will just continue to move forward giving thanks.
Along with the happiness is the extreme awareness that has been moving into my thoughts about life for the last several years... a little before my 2nd husbands death, and more afterwards, about how the changes life brings, sting the ole' heart. The constant letting go of people, places, things, memories, as we move forward in our days. There is no holding onto them. They just become old movies and re-runs in the consciousness bringing me a kind of poingent sadness mixed with whatever story they held - whether bad or good. I lay awake many a night pondering this life we take on and move through.
Due to this awareness, I have become increasingly present with what my journey is and how to move through it with grace and humbleness. How to stay motivated to continue to carry on with my work in the world. What else am I here for? I could get distracted with cooking and gardening and reading books but then my voice would not be heard, my stories never told. Maybe for some, that is the journey... but for this soul there is a calling.. a destiny if you will.
I love the place I have come to internally and since being abstinent, I have begun to really let go of my body. I don't mean the desire to keep it healthy and fit but I feel I am letting go of it needing to have the old image in my mind I have carried around for almost 40 years. That is a huge step.
Usually on diet regimes, I immediately begin weighing myself and measuring my body size by trying on my next set of skinny clothes and begin to carry myself differently as I feel the weight loss. But this is a different path now. This is the path to abstinence and sanity. This is not the path to an old model thin image that prances around needing 'lookie-lou' attention from everyone. The old image that says, "because I'm thin, I'm successful in life, and loveable." The old image that says "because I'm thin and wearing the cool thin clothes that I've got my shit together in life."
No this is the pathway to the present moment where I feel whatever I'm feeling and living through it without reaching for food. This is the pathway to the present moment where I am choosing to love myself as I am knowing that I'm ok because I have a disease that I don't have to be ashamed of. That I'm NOT the disease and that with my higher powers help and my willingness to allow that help by surrendering that I can make it to my steak dinner tonight!
My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Day 2 and 3 of Abstinence
Well yesterday I was unable to post because of extreme back pain; and the computer being down for an update. So here I am today. So many thoughts go through my head about abstinence and my life during the day and night, it's hard to remember it all and put it down. I guess all I can worry about is right now! :)
Just had lunch and it was fulfilling. I've had two more abstinent days, including today. So 3 altogether. They've been somewhat easy. When I've gotten hungry, I've had a chocolate milk drink or juice or tea. It's kind of weird not just going in and eating whenever the voice comes around. It's like, "Oh, I don't do that anymore." A little sadness around that but a bigger relief later on when I make it through with the small arsenal of tools I'm slowly building.
Music is on my mind. After this I'm going downstairs to work on it. When things worry us, the best thing to do is go and take care of them. Then the worry is lifted. What a concept, huh?! ha..
I feel like I have so much to do. I have to keep reminding myself one moment/day at a time. One chore at a time. Cooking healthy meals is a priority and so is a moderate workout. Once those things are in the bag, then I can move into the other items in order of priority and tell myself after the day is over, "I did the best I could today."
Today I had put out 6 dates to have with butter and hubby commented that I was eating a lot of butter. So I put back 2 or 3 of the dates and just ate what I had prepared. But I didn't let it get to me as far as thinking that it was a diet thing. I did say that the butter probably had 100 calories and then I caught my 'dieting mentality' sneaking in as Becky calls it in her book.
Today I'm also feeling pretty good about my abstinence and my habit is to say... "I am doing fine, I don't need to write or practice any tools," but man... I know that game. For me, that is another voice that slowly takes me into ego land where I'm thinking that "I'm" controlling it and now that it's going good, I can just move on to more important things! NOT! After 100 years of doing that, well, I've learned my lesson and so here I am posting away.
My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
Just had lunch and it was fulfilling. I've had two more abstinent days, including today. So 3 altogether. They've been somewhat easy. When I've gotten hungry, I've had a chocolate milk drink or juice or tea. It's kind of weird not just going in and eating whenever the voice comes around. It's like, "Oh, I don't do that anymore." A little sadness around that but a bigger relief later on when I make it through with the small arsenal of tools I'm slowly building.
Music is on my mind. After this I'm going downstairs to work on it. When things worry us, the best thing to do is go and take care of them. Then the worry is lifted. What a concept, huh?! ha..
I feel like I have so much to do. I have to keep reminding myself one moment/day at a time. One chore at a time. Cooking healthy meals is a priority and so is a moderate workout. Once those things are in the bag, then I can move into the other items in order of priority and tell myself after the day is over, "I did the best I could today."
Today I had put out 6 dates to have with butter and hubby commented that I was eating a lot of butter. So I put back 2 or 3 of the dates and just ate what I had prepared. But I didn't let it get to me as far as thinking that it was a diet thing. I did say that the butter probably had 100 calories and then I caught my 'dieting mentality' sneaking in as Becky calls it in her book.
Today I'm also feeling pretty good about my abstinence and my habit is to say... "I am doing fine, I don't need to write or practice any tools," but man... I know that game. For me, that is another voice that slowly takes me into ego land where I'm thinking that "I'm" controlling it and now that it's going good, I can just move on to more important things! NOT! After 100 years of doing that, well, I've learned my lesson and so here I am posting away.
My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
Monday, August 4, 2008
Day 1 of Abstinence
Well, made it through fairly easy today. Thank God for this. One of those days that comes easy. I was scared all night that I would not do well. I'm really afraid of how deeply this disease has me bound up. I can look back and realize it has been there since I was just a little girl and I've been trying to control it and make excuses for it and on and on and on for about 40 years now. Man... that's a wake up call, huh? I mean this is what really was sobering me was that and that horrid fear and terror I began to have.
Thank God the body begins to ache and cry out for help. Because that too has been getting my numbed out attention. Believe me! I have pains I've never had, happening in the last few months.
Had alot of worries last night and had to keep working to surrender them to God. I grabbed one of my rocks and held on for dear life. Hard night, easy day.
So tonight I'll ground myself some more by reading in Becky's book again or maybe some of her handouts. I've also got to work on my music a bit as that is what is going to buy my food and gas in the future years to come and if I don't work on it, I get to feeling like I'm slackin' off. The Universe wants us to take our steps and then I feel it guides us to the gold. :)
Not much else to say. I am thankful today for "No Ramdon Eating inbetween 3 Moderate Meals." And I am also so grateful for good love in my life, good food, and a beatiful day outside. I'm looking forward to being able to go out and give my voice, performance and writing gifts to the world.
My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
Thank God the body begins to ache and cry out for help. Because that too has been getting my numbed out attention. Believe me! I have pains I've never had, happening in the last few months.
Had alot of worries last night and had to keep working to surrender them to God. I grabbed one of my rocks and held on for dear life. Hard night, easy day.
So tonight I'll ground myself some more by reading in Becky's book again or maybe some of her handouts. I've also got to work on my music a bit as that is what is going to buy my food and gas in the future years to come and if I don't work on it, I get to feeling like I'm slackin' off. The Universe wants us to take our steps and then I feel it guides us to the gold. :)
Not much else to say. I am thankful today for "No Ramdon Eating inbetween 3 Moderate Meals." And I am also so grateful for good love in my life, good food, and a beatiful day outside. I'm looking forward to being able to go out and give my voice, performance and writing gifts to the world.
My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
Meals
Well it's 8/15/08 and I'm going to pull back from posting my meals unless I begin to get into trouble again. Below are my meals 8/4/08 - my first day of keeping my bottom line! :) to 8/14/08. There are a lot of good meal ideas here if you are so inclined.
8/4/08
Breakfast 8:30 AM:
Egg/Turkey Bacon Sandwich with 2 slices sprouted grain bread, mayo, minced onions, 2 eggs, 2-1/2 slices turkey bacon, romaine; 1/8 cup goji berries; grapefruit juice; vitamins. Had 2 cups of Yerba Mate upon awakening. Feeling - satisfied and full.
Note: Had cravings around 10:30am. Starved them off with cold green tea mixed with almond/cashew milk and stevia.
Lunch 1:30 PM:
Romaine Salad with bacon turkey bits, sesame seeds, red onion, Amy's Poppyseed dressing; 1-1/2 Sardine (in olive oil) patties made with eggs, rice flour, cayenne powder, dried minced onions; mango, pineapple; grape juice and seltzer drink. Feeling - very full and satisfied.
Note: I tried to eat a big lunch because I am always getting hungry around 1-2 hours before dinner.
Afternoon 3:30: Decaf Mocha
Dinner 6:30 PM:
Roasted Leg of Lamb, Sweet Potatoes with Ghee and a bit of agave syrup, oven roasted kale in olive oil and salt; nectarine; pineapple juice with soda water.
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8/6/08 (Missed posting 8/5)
Breakfast 8:00 AM:
Leg of lamb, 2 eggs, 1 piece of sprouted grain bread with ghee; oven roasted asparagus in olive oil and salt; apricot.
Had 2 cups of Yerba Mate upon awakening with a bit of almond/rice milk.
10:30 AM: Yerba Mate/Bancha tea with almond/rice milk.
Lunch 12:15 PM:
Bowl of homemade chicken and rice soup with rhutabagas, turnips, sweet potatoes, onions, garlic, olive oil, kombu; 4 dates filled with butter; grape/seltzer drink
4:15 PM: Chocolate rice/almond milk with Brewers Yeast, Chia Seeds and Stevia. Had this because I was having hunger pains.
5:30 PM: Stir fry with Applegate Chicken Sausage, Chicken breast meat, onions, garlic, zucchini, pineapple and juice, agave syrup, broccoli, served over millet spiced with seaweed sesame seed sprinkles, salt, and pepper; frozen banana; plain seltzer water.
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8/7/08
Breakfast 7:30 AM:
(Limited amount of time and on the road for part of the day)
Chocolate Protein Shake with almond/rice/hazelnut milk, brewers yeast, chocolate powder, egg white powder, green tea powder, ground flaxseeds, tahini, steiva, 1/2 scoop yammit flakes; 1 piece sprouted grain bread with ghee and almond butter.
Yerba Mate Tea with Stevia
10:45 AM: Grande Decaf Mocha
Lunch 1:30 PM:
Sardine Patty made with rice flour, eggs, minced onions and cayenne powder; Apricot; Manchego Cheese chunk; Sesame Kelp bar; seltzer water.
Dinner 5:30 PM:
Steak cooked in olive oil; Swiss Chard stir fried in ghee, onions, garlic, Arame (kelp); gravy made from agave, beef broth, arrowroot powder, Dr. Bronners Amino's; sweet potato, ghee; homemade ice cream with apricots, bananas and agave syrup.
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8/8/08
Breakfast 8:00 AM
Stir fried leftover lamb cut into small pieces with garlic, onion, and leftover gravy from last night mixed in with 2 eggs and eggwhites served over millet; oven roasted asparagus; small serving of the apricot/banana ice cream.
Usual morning yerba mate.
Lunch 12:15 PM
Left over stir chicken/sausage stir fry from 8/6; chunk of manchego cheese; small serving of the apricot/banana ice cream with a fresh apricot. Seltzer water.
1:30 PM - Chocolate milk drink made with Hazlenut Milk and Mimic Creme with Stevia and Brewers yeast powder.
Dinner 6:30 PM
Grass fed beef patty made with eggs, chia seeds, goji berries; oven roasted swiss chard made with olive oil and salt; 4 dates with butter; seltzer and grape juice.
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8/9/08
Breakfast 8:00 AM
Hot rice cereal with banana, blueberries, egg white powder, yammit powder, green tea powder, chia seeds, ghee, pecans, stevia; graprefruit juice. Usual Yerba Mate Tea
Lunch 12:30 PM
1-1/2 Sardine patties; 1 bowl homemade summer squash soup made with butternut squash, sweet potatoes, chicken broth, cinnamon, pepper, ghee, agave; oven roasted asparagus; 4 homemade yammit cookies made rice flour, olive oil, rice flour, yammit flakes, vanilla, egg white protein powder, water, egg. Seltzer water.
4.00 PM - Chocolate milk drink made with Hazlenut Milk and Mimic Creme with Stevia and Brewers yeast powder.
Dinner 7:00 PM
Pineapple/Pumpkin Shake with egg white powder, green tea powder, ground flaxseeds, stevia, yammit flakes, tahini, hazelnut milk.
NOTE: Dinner was late due to a music performance scheduled at 9PM. I need to eat light before I sing. Afterwards, I drank another half shake on the way home because of hunger and weakness and had watermelon when I got home. I don't sleep well hungry. So I went into a planned gray area this evening.
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8/10/08
Breakfast 8:00 AM
Two Eggs, Eggs Whites, 1 piece sprouted grain toast with ghee; banana; nectarine.
Lunch 12:00 Noon
1-1/2 Sardine Patty (see ingredients above); watermelon; oven roasted asparagus in olive oil and salt; 4 yammit cookies (see ingredients above)
Dinner 6:30 PM
Top round sliced thin and cooked in beef broth and olive oil, onions, garlic, swiss chard with gravy made with beef broth, ghee, Dr. Bronners, arrowroot powder, rice; 3 dates with butter.
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8/11/08
Breakfast 8:30 AM
Two Eggs, 1 Piece sprouted grain toast with ghee; oven roasted asparagus in olive oil and salt; necterine
Lunch 1:30 PM
Chocolate Protein Shake with hazelnut milk, green tea powder, ground flaxseeds, egg white protein, chia seeds, tahini, yammit flakes.
Dinner 5:30 PM
Grass fed beef hamburger patty made with eggs, chia seeds, goji berries, seseme seeds, kelp sprinkles, garlic powder, dried minced onions; oven roasted kale in olive oil, watermelon, 2 yammit cookies.
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8/12/08
Breakfast 8:30 AM
Stir fry with Applegate chicken sausage, turnips, rhutabags, onions, zucchini, eggs, tumeric, ginger powder, cayenne; grapefruit juice, watermelon.
Lunch 12:00 Noon
Pineapple/Pumpkin Shake with egg white powder, green tea powder, ground flaxseeds, stevia, yammit flakes, tahini, homemade rice milk. 2 Yammit cookies.
Dinner 5:00 PM
Top round sliced thin and cooked in beef broth and olive oil, onions, garlic, swiss chard with gravy made with beef broth, ghee, Dr. Bronners, arrowroot powder, rice; oven roasted asparagus, banana, necterine.
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8/13/08
Breakfast 8:30 AM
Stir fry with Applegate chicken sausage, turnips, rhutabags, onions, zucchini, eggs, tumeric, ginger powder, cayenne, Arame (kelp); turkey bacon slices; grapefruit juice, apricot.
Lunch 12:30 Noon
Bowl of homemade chicken and rice soup with rhutabagas, turnips, sweet potatoes, onions, garlic, olive oil, kombu; watermelon.
2:30 Decaf Americano with Cream
4:30 Grape juice with Seltzer water.
Dinner 6:30 PM
Top round sliced thin and cooked in beef broth and olive oil, onions, garlic, swiss chard with gravy made with beef broth, Arame (kelp), ghee, Dr. Bronners, arrowroot powder, rice; oven roasted swiss chard; homemade chocolate fudge.
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8/14/08
Breakfast
Eggs, Toast with ghee, turkey bacon, over roasted asparagus; banana, nectarine.
Lunch
Sardine patty; blueberries and rice; homemade hocolate fudge.
3:00 - Decaf Mocha
4:00 - Grape Recharge Drink
Dinner
Homemade summer squash soup made with butternut squash, sweet potatoes, chicken broth, cinnamon, pepper, ghee, agave;
Hamburger patty; watermelon; 2 dates with butter.
________________________________________________________
8/4/08
Breakfast 8:30 AM:
Egg/Turkey Bacon Sandwich with 2 slices sprouted grain bread, mayo, minced onions, 2 eggs, 2-1/2 slices turkey bacon, romaine; 1/8 cup goji berries; grapefruit juice; vitamins. Had 2 cups of Yerba Mate upon awakening. Feeling - satisfied and full.
Note: Had cravings around 10:30am. Starved them off with cold green tea mixed with almond/cashew milk and stevia.
Lunch 1:30 PM:
Romaine Salad with bacon turkey bits, sesame seeds, red onion, Amy's Poppyseed dressing; 1-1/2 Sardine (in olive oil) patties made with eggs, rice flour, cayenne powder, dried minced onions; mango, pineapple; grape juice and seltzer drink. Feeling - very full and satisfied.
Note: I tried to eat a big lunch because I am always getting hungry around 1-2 hours before dinner.
Afternoon 3:30: Decaf Mocha
Dinner 6:30 PM:
Roasted Leg of Lamb, Sweet Potatoes with Ghee and a bit of agave syrup, oven roasted kale in olive oil and salt; nectarine; pineapple juice with soda water.
________________________________________________________
8/6/08 (Missed posting 8/5)
Breakfast 8:00 AM:
Leg of lamb, 2 eggs, 1 piece of sprouted grain bread with ghee; oven roasted asparagus in olive oil and salt; apricot.
Had 2 cups of Yerba Mate upon awakening with a bit of almond/rice milk.
10:30 AM: Yerba Mate/Bancha tea with almond/rice milk.
Lunch 12:15 PM:
Bowl of homemade chicken and rice soup with rhutabagas, turnips, sweet potatoes, onions, garlic, olive oil, kombu; 4 dates filled with butter; grape/seltzer drink
4:15 PM: Chocolate rice/almond milk with Brewers Yeast, Chia Seeds and Stevia. Had this because I was having hunger pains.
5:30 PM: Stir fry with Applegate Chicken Sausage, Chicken breast meat, onions, garlic, zucchini, pineapple and juice, agave syrup, broccoli, served over millet spiced with seaweed sesame seed sprinkles, salt, and pepper; frozen banana; plain seltzer water.
________________________________________________________
8/7/08
Breakfast 7:30 AM:
(Limited amount of time and on the road for part of the day)
Chocolate Protein Shake with almond/rice/hazelnut milk, brewers yeast, chocolate powder, egg white powder, green tea powder, ground flaxseeds, tahini, steiva, 1/2 scoop yammit flakes; 1 piece sprouted grain bread with ghee and almond butter.
Yerba Mate Tea with Stevia
10:45 AM: Grande Decaf Mocha
Lunch 1:30 PM:
Sardine Patty made with rice flour, eggs, minced onions and cayenne powder; Apricot; Manchego Cheese chunk; Sesame Kelp bar; seltzer water.
Dinner 5:30 PM:
Steak cooked in olive oil; Swiss Chard stir fried in ghee, onions, garlic, Arame (kelp); gravy made from agave, beef broth, arrowroot powder, Dr. Bronners Amino's; sweet potato, ghee; homemade ice cream with apricots, bananas and agave syrup.
________________________________________________________
8/8/08
Breakfast 8:00 AM
Stir fried leftover lamb cut into small pieces with garlic, onion, and leftover gravy from last night mixed in with 2 eggs and eggwhites served over millet; oven roasted asparagus; small serving of the apricot/banana ice cream.
Usual morning yerba mate.
Lunch 12:15 PM
Left over stir chicken/sausage stir fry from 8/6; chunk of manchego cheese; small serving of the apricot/banana ice cream with a fresh apricot. Seltzer water.
1:30 PM - Chocolate milk drink made with Hazlenut Milk and Mimic Creme with Stevia and Brewers yeast powder.
Dinner 6:30 PM
Grass fed beef patty made with eggs, chia seeds, goji berries; oven roasted swiss chard made with olive oil and salt; 4 dates with butter; seltzer and grape juice.
________________________________________________________
8/9/08
Breakfast 8:00 AM
Hot rice cereal with banana, blueberries, egg white powder, yammit powder, green tea powder, chia seeds, ghee, pecans, stevia; graprefruit juice. Usual Yerba Mate Tea
Lunch 12:30 PM
1-1/2 Sardine patties; 1 bowl homemade summer squash soup made with butternut squash, sweet potatoes, chicken broth, cinnamon, pepper, ghee, agave; oven roasted asparagus; 4 homemade yammit cookies made rice flour, olive oil, rice flour, yammit flakes, vanilla, egg white protein powder, water, egg. Seltzer water.
4.00 PM - Chocolate milk drink made with Hazlenut Milk and Mimic Creme with Stevia and Brewers yeast powder.
Dinner 7:00 PM
Pineapple/Pumpkin Shake with egg white powder, green tea powder, ground flaxseeds, stevia, yammit flakes, tahini, hazelnut milk.
NOTE: Dinner was late due to a music performance scheduled at 9PM. I need to eat light before I sing. Afterwards, I drank another half shake on the way home because of hunger and weakness and had watermelon when I got home. I don't sleep well hungry. So I went into a planned gray area this evening.
________________________________________________________
8/10/08
Breakfast 8:00 AM
Two Eggs, Eggs Whites, 1 piece sprouted grain toast with ghee; banana; nectarine.
Lunch 12:00 Noon
1-1/2 Sardine Patty (see ingredients above); watermelon; oven roasted asparagus in olive oil and salt; 4 yammit cookies (see ingredients above)
Dinner 6:30 PM
Top round sliced thin and cooked in beef broth and olive oil, onions, garlic, swiss chard with gravy made with beef broth, ghee, Dr. Bronners, arrowroot powder, rice; 3 dates with butter.
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8/11/08
Breakfast 8:30 AM
Two Eggs, 1 Piece sprouted grain toast with ghee; oven roasted asparagus in olive oil and salt; necterine
Lunch 1:30 PM
Chocolate Protein Shake with hazelnut milk, green tea powder, ground flaxseeds, egg white protein, chia seeds, tahini, yammit flakes.
Dinner 5:30 PM
Grass fed beef hamburger patty made with eggs, chia seeds, goji berries, seseme seeds, kelp sprinkles, garlic powder, dried minced onions; oven roasted kale in olive oil, watermelon, 2 yammit cookies.
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8/12/08
Breakfast 8:30 AM
Stir fry with Applegate chicken sausage, turnips, rhutabags, onions, zucchini, eggs, tumeric, ginger powder, cayenne; grapefruit juice, watermelon.
Lunch 12:00 Noon
Pineapple/Pumpkin Shake with egg white powder, green tea powder, ground flaxseeds, stevia, yammit flakes, tahini, homemade rice milk. 2 Yammit cookies.
Dinner 5:00 PM
Top round sliced thin and cooked in beef broth and olive oil, onions, garlic, swiss chard with gravy made with beef broth, ghee, Dr. Bronners, arrowroot powder, rice; oven roasted asparagus, banana, necterine.
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8/13/08
Breakfast 8:30 AM
Stir fry with Applegate chicken sausage, turnips, rhutabags, onions, zucchini, eggs, tumeric, ginger powder, cayenne, Arame (kelp); turkey bacon slices; grapefruit juice, apricot.
Lunch 12:30 Noon
Bowl of homemade chicken and rice soup with rhutabagas, turnips, sweet potatoes, onions, garlic, olive oil, kombu; watermelon.
2:30 Decaf Americano with Cream
4:30 Grape juice with Seltzer water.
Dinner 6:30 PM
Top round sliced thin and cooked in beef broth and olive oil, onions, garlic, swiss chard with gravy made with beef broth, Arame (kelp), ghee, Dr. Bronners, arrowroot powder, rice; oven roasted swiss chard; homemade chocolate fudge.
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8/14/08
Breakfast
Eggs, Toast with ghee, turkey bacon, over roasted asparagus; banana, nectarine.
Lunch
Sardine patty; blueberries and rice; homemade hocolate fudge.
3:00 - Decaf Mocha
4:00 - Grape Recharge Drink
Dinner
Homemade summer squash soup made with butternut squash, sweet potatoes, chicken broth, cinnamon, pepper, ghee, agave;
Hamburger patty; watermelon; 2 dates with butter.
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Sunday, August 3, 2008
New Direction
Well, it's been a couple of days and I've actually sat down here to start and then gotten up. There is so much I could write. In the last couple of days, however, I feel I've been pushed heavily up against the inside of my skin with this disease. And it is a disease. I feel like I don't know how to eat anymore. I can't diet. I won't diet. And yet whenever I get a craving or one of those moments hit me, I'm off to the kitchen. I have begun to feel so horrified inside about it all. Where to turn... what to do now. I feel like I'm being controlled by someone or something else when it comes to food. I'm as wobbly as a drunk on the street who spends his last dollar on cheap wine instead of a good meal.
Last night, awakening in a somewhat resolved and terrorized state, I came upstairs and pulled a book out of the bookshelve entitled "Dieting - A Dry Drunk" by Becky Lu Jackson. (http://www.dietingrecovery.com)
I had purchased this book in 2004, the year my 2nd husband passed away from cancer. I dived into it and tried to work it as much as my grief and on the fence recovery would allow but it was not time yet. I had to fall deeper into what Becky Lu calls a bottom line. Now 4 years later, I'm ready. I'm bold to be making that strong statement... "I'm Ready," but I am. I feel wobbly, uncertain and unsure that I can make it, but the determination is there and this time there is a resolved and true ache to heal. I have come to realize how serious my eating addiction disease is and how it has had me by the throat my entire life, with me all the while thinking I could try and control it and if only certain things would happen, I could get happy and then I wouldn't have the cravings and on and on. I have been studying the 'why's of my addiction all of my life. One important thing that stuck me upon this review of Becky's book was that she leads you to work on the "how's." To concentrate on "how to get better." "How to arrest the disease."
So I'm glad I didn't write these last couple of days, as I would have been going on and on about my stuggle and being a victum to this cunning baffling demon and all the why's of I fail and I would talk about more of my 'moments,' instead of switching directions and beginning to write about my recovery. Yes my recovery.
Today I didn't seem to make good progress on it. But I will take that back and say that I read the 1st 5 chapters again, and wrote out a bottom line abstenience and because aware of that bottom line which is no ramdom eating inbetween 3 moderate meals per day.
When making the appetitizer for the neighborhood gathering, I kept thinking of my bottom line and at the end of making it, I ended up eating some of it. So I quickly decided to make that my lunch and added a couple of other items to make it a fully moderate lunch. And I made it through the afternoon with only tea until the gathering. And then I got lost in the food at the gathering and didn't maintain my bottom line.
I don't know what to say about it. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel. I know I'm not to have guilt but just awareness. And I'm not going to get into the big why about it. I'm just going to move back to the 'hows.'
My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
Last night, awakening in a somewhat resolved and terrorized state, I came upstairs and pulled a book out of the bookshelve entitled "Dieting - A Dry Drunk" by Becky Lu Jackson. (http://www.dietingrecovery.com)
I had purchased this book in 2004, the year my 2nd husband passed away from cancer. I dived into it and tried to work it as much as my grief and on the fence recovery would allow but it was not time yet. I had to fall deeper into what Becky Lu calls a bottom line. Now 4 years later, I'm ready. I'm bold to be making that strong statement... "I'm Ready," but I am. I feel wobbly, uncertain and unsure that I can make it, but the determination is there and this time there is a resolved and true ache to heal. I have come to realize how serious my eating addiction disease is and how it has had me by the throat my entire life, with me all the while thinking I could try and control it and if only certain things would happen, I could get happy and then I wouldn't have the cravings and on and on. I have been studying the 'why's of my addiction all of my life. One important thing that stuck me upon this review of Becky's book was that she leads you to work on the "how's." To concentrate on "how to get better." "How to arrest the disease."
So I'm glad I didn't write these last couple of days, as I would have been going on and on about my stuggle and being a victum to this cunning baffling demon and all the why's of I fail and I would talk about more of my 'moments,' instead of switching directions and beginning to write about my recovery. Yes my recovery.
Today I didn't seem to make good progress on it. But I will take that back and say that I read the 1st 5 chapters again, and wrote out a bottom line abstenience and because aware of that bottom line which is no ramdom eating inbetween 3 moderate meals per day.
When making the appetitizer for the neighborhood gathering, I kept thinking of my bottom line and at the end of making it, I ended up eating some of it. So I quickly decided to make that my lunch and added a couple of other items to make it a fully moderate lunch. And I made it through the afternoon with only tea until the gathering. And then I got lost in the food at the gathering and didn't maintain my bottom line.
I don't know what to say about it. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel. I know I'm not to have guilt but just awareness. And I'm not going to get into the big why about it. I'm just going to move back to the 'hows.'
My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com
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