Day 7 of Abstinence

So I'm giving myself a token for making it a week. 7 days of abstinence. Today was just a bust as far as sanity. After performances I get completely wiped out the next day. I don't know whether it's my fibromyalgia kicking in or what. My entire body hurts and a dull aching fog bank moves into my brain and doesn't let up until the next morning. At any rate, beyond all that, I was able to hold abstinence. I made it through by listening to my body and going back to bed instead of trying to eat my way through the fatigue. How many times I've done that is not countable. Feeling guilty for not getting stuff done, I would either start in on coffee or sugar or both and of course by the end of the day I was worse than I am now. So I give thanks today that I made it.

I'm also wondering if some of this body pain and fatigue is still due to detoxing from eating bad. I mean you don't get over bad eating in a week. But the only thing I know to do is to keep moving forward holding on to my abstinence for dear life, knowing I will get to feeling better and better as time moves forward.

I did have a moment of wanting to go in and eat today. I mean those cookies are in there and I could have eaten the entire batch. But I turned my attention toward having tea. I spoke with my sister today who is struggling for her life with hep. C and having to deal with the drug they've got her on 'Interferon' which has a 40/50 percent chance of curing her and she is down to 114 lbs at 5'9. The doc did tell her if she didn't gain some weight by the next time he saw her that he was going to take her off the drug. So that scared her into working to force herself to eat.

She also told me about my Mom purchasing a box of Cocoa Krispies and eating the entire box in one sitting. It hurts my heart because I can do nothing for her but pray. She's had this since I've known her and has battled it but won't surrender. She's about to turn 71. I don't know if she is mentally capable of surrendering. She's pretty high strung and anxious and always 'running,' staying so busy that she collapses at the end of the day. Always involved in deep drama. Petty everyday drama. We aren't speaking right now. I invited her to write me a letter when she wants to communicate. She hasn't done it yet. I could die and she wouldn't know it. Or I could look at it like she knows I'm ok. Not sure how to proceed as I've done all I feel I can do for the relationship at this point.

At any rate. Beyond all that, Becky says to get the scale out and weigh yourself. To stop being afraid of it. So yesterday I did and today. Both days showing the same weight. 10 lbs up from where I was the last time I was in 'control' mode. Ha... 'control mode.' Sigh. I'm glad to be done with 'control mode.'

My Tools:
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com