Day 56 - My Rant!

On the other thread I am on... someone had written in asking for 'self-help' suggestions for emotional eating. I, of course, recommended Becky's book "Dieting, A Dry Drunk." Someone else recommended "Feeding the hungry heart" by Geneen Roth."

This got me on a rant as follows, that I felt had some great info. in it for this thread:

Read that back in my 'therapy days.' Great book. But I wasn't 'clean' when I read it. I was still eating emotionally and badly. My personal belief gleaned from Becky's book and my own years of humble experience is that just like a drunk cannot go into therapy while still drinking... neither can emotional or overeaters or anyone with an eating problem go into therapy when still indulging. You can, but the therapy itself usually won't stop the disease.

And I'm not saying 'don't read it,' nor am I saying it won't do you any good... but all of those books and all of the therapy I did for years and years, did not stop my eating issues of eating for every emotional reason under the sun. I 'understood' why I was eating because of the therapy and the books, but it did not stop the disease.

My experience is, one has to find a place to stop the madness of eating before one can begin to address some of the emotional aspects driving the disease. When one's mind is clear and free from the brain chemistry ups and downs, one can truly 'see' and 'feel' what's going on.

Part of the entire issue, again from my own years of trying like a desperate mad woman to figure out my problem, is that when your brain chemistry is whacked from sugar and bad food, you don't think straight, act right, sleep right, your hormones are messed up causing additional emotional and physical problems, etc., etc.

Again, to first get clean from the overeating and emotional eating, allows one to really see what the issues might be.

It's not an easy road in, but for me, it's been the only road in after years of trying every type of therapy out there while still eating away thinking 'if I just figured out what my problems are,' or 'if I just got the right job,' or 'if I just got the right husband,' or if I just got the... right whatever!' Or 'as soon as my bills are paid,' 'or as soon as my kid leaves home' or 'as soon as tomorrow looks better,' I'll be able to get this eating under control.' Or the big one.. "If I just lost weight, then by gosh, I'd be able to love myself and then really 'control' my eating."

And the others: "I deserve this." "I'm under too much stress today, I have to eat." "Just today... because my work load is too much and I'm tired, so I'll eat this candy and drink this coffee to help me make it through, and then tomorrow I'll start clean."

None of that goes away. Life never stops. Stress never stops. And so the emotional eating will never stop because there will never be a tomorrow that is good enough. That voice will drive one for an entire lifetime unless one begins to recognize what is going on. It drove me for 40 years. 40 years of my life on the horrid roller coaster of "trying to control it," feeling ashamed of my body, of my self, feeling guilty because "I" couldn't get it right!

Becky's book and website may scare some because it calls the eating issue a disease or an addiction and many people don't want to even consider that there might be a deeper issue called an addition or disease - I mean it's just eating, right? But my testimony says 'give it a chance.' It's a cheap book and if you don't recognize yourself and your eating issues in the first chapter, put it on a shelve and forget all I have told you. But don't throw it out.

I bought this book 5 years ago, once again desperate and at the height of yet another round of binging because my husband was dieing (and that was my big excuse to eat), and yes it's a good one but no excuse is good enough now for me now that I understand about emotional eating and how it can eventually kill. But I bought the book and recognized myself and the issues right there in the first chapter, and at the time began to try and get clean, but I kept making those excuses to eat. I didn't 'get it' yet.

I put it on the shelve. (I'm so glad I didn't throw it away).

5 years later (2 months ago), I pulled it out again and I 'got it.'

Now almost two months clean from emotional eating and binging and not one binge of junk has happened. Not even any desire for any junk food or sugar.

I attribute this to three things... One - 'getting it.' Understanding and surrendering to the fact that I indeed had an issue with 'eating over anything and nothing,' and I was driven by that voice making excuses to eat. I listened to it and caved every time. Even if I knew it was not right, I caved.

The 2nd thing is, Dr. D's GTD which has completely stablized my brain chemistry and given me the tools to handle the stresses and ups and downs of the days. When the voices do come now, I can walk away from them and 'handle life on life's terms.' Which means... life is going to throw everything my way... ups and downs... bad days and good... do I eat over them... no. This is accepting life on life's terms and moving forward without eating over it.

And three, God's help. I give thanks every day, every moment that I have no cravings. That I feel 'sane' for once in my life. And I stay humble about it. Because the minute I think "I've" got it sussed, the minute I think "I'm in control here" the voice will sneak back in and bite my big ego and the possibility of falling down into the dark hole again becomes a huge threat.

Therapy? Well, I haven't needed any yet. I have a very supporting loving husband who has been clean from alcohol for 25 years and was involved in the 12 step way back when so he understands and supports me and listens and we talk through everything. I do use Becky's workbook... she has a workbook that helps you walk through your issues as you read the main book. I haven't used it much but I plan to.

I have a terrible stress going on right now. My sister is near death and my Mother is acting out in weird ways and my sisters kids are stealing her food stamp cards and all this huge drama is going on. I have awful ups and downs in my heart and gut from it all, but not once have I wanted to eat over it.

At any rate... I've gotten way away from myself here at 5:30 in the morning, so I'll stop. I hope that some of what I have said helps someone someday. And if not, it sure helped me to write it. To share and give of ones story/testimony is a healing and a reinforcement of the souls journey.

Blessings...

My Tools:
"No random eating inbetween 3 moderate meals per day, no matter what."
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com