Important Questions and Answers

A dear friend of mine wrote to me after I wrote yesterdays post and ask me the following questions. I felt it was important to this Blog to post these questions and the answers because it brings in such clarity about my abstinence which is an abstinence to continue to heal from the madness of binging and ... 'dieting, or rigid eating plans of deprivation and/or starvation.'

Questions:

I have to ask...........what is it you're considering abstinence? just not eating between meals? I'm confused because I was thinking you meant not eating avoids, yet you had some pie and a decaf mocha and still considered the day a day of abstinence. Just asking for clarification. Not judging you, that's for darn sure. Me who can't seem to go more than 3 days w/o eating something I shouldn't.

Answers:

No ramdom eating between 3 moderate meals per day, no matter what.

Moderate is the key and if you ever read Becky's book she says that eating healthy 60- 80% of the time is what one should strive for because there are always situations where you cannot eat healthy.

Becoming overly obsessed about a particular diet or eating regime is a no no. It feeds the addicts obsessive
'diet mentality' qualities of control and 'white knuckling it' and eventually leads to a binge on all the stuff that one avoids while ridgedly attempting to stick to some plan.

So I eat as close to Dr. Dadamo's Genotype Diet as possible when I'm home and as much as possible when I'm out. Which is about 95% compliance because when I'm home I will eat black dots and if we go somewhere and hub has a coffee sometimes I will have a decaf low fat mocha. Total avoid... but I don't want to sit there all righteous and feeling deprived which will feed my disease.

So yesterday I had a couple of avoids and I'm not bothered mentally about it. How I am bothered is that I didn't like them very much. Homemade ice cream and chocolate made with diamond, superfoods and neutrals taste so much better and I love them. Cheap whip cream pie with some lemon flavoring and a mocha with cheap chocolate powder and milk is becoming old hat and boring and I am beginning to want to just order tea. You see??? By allowing myself the 'taboo no no' every so often so it won't feed my addiction voice of deprivation, I begin to not want it at all and can say no from a natural place of really not wanting it. Not from a place of 'oh i'm going to do good, so I won't have that,' and then secretely feeling left out or again deprived.

It's a healing work to not be obsessed or impulsive. I really think being "impulsive' in particular, and not being able to say no, comes from bad brain chemistry from not getting the correct neutrients in the brain. I didn't even want the few bites of pie really, but I felt so sad about the entire situation that I had them but I made sure to have them right there as part of my moderate meal. Next time I'll ask if they have any fruit because it was so unenjoyable and tasted like all the foods I used to binge on, that it made me a bit afraid and also I knew that had I eaten more of the poisen pie I would have paid dearly for it.

So that's my abstience and how it is working in me. You should really order the book. It helps one let go of so many 'self condemning' thoughts and actions and helps get you on the first part of the journey without alot of rigid rules and regualtions that really just feed obsessive impulsive qualities.

I am not saying you are an addict. You may or may not be one. But it seems that you might want a little assurance and insight into what I'm going through and how I am just now beginning to work it and it's actualy working, and how some of it might help you, which I feel it would.

Sorry to confuse you about the abstinence. These days I refuse to be perfect! And I will never be perfect. The choices I am making are because I want to feel good and free from the insanity of addiction, not because I HAVE to be 100% complient to reach some truly unattainable goal of health. I think it's not what we eat most times, it's the stress in our lifes that rots the food in our gut!!! Sounds awful... but I think it's about 50% at least true. I went through this with Woody. He ate completely healthy (100% compliant on the BTD), during his divorce and cancer but he still went down because of the horrid stress.

I will write more later... but you really sparked me to take time to write this to you and I feel it was important for me personally. To write about my abstinence, what it means and how it applies to my life reminds me of the healing journey I am on.

My Tools:
"No random eating inbetween 3 moderate meals per day, no matter what."
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com