Swimming Past Day 60 into Day 62

Well I had wanted to post a big explosive exciting 'reaching a new landmark' post about Day 60, but the fact is, I've been to busy!

Busy with my life. Busy getting on with my work in the world. Busy with loving my husband. Busy with my new upcoming CD, busy discussing my ups and downs and feelings with my husband. Busy with life.

AND NOT busy with being obsessed over food, or a diet, or weighing, (well maybe a little here), or fighting off cravings, or feeling deprived.

We came back from Seattle last Thursday, hungry and tired and I haven't had time to even stay obsessed over my cooking lately, and so we stopped a a local joint and had a bite for dinner. I was determined to get a sandwich of some sort.

We got in the establishment and I was reading the menu thinking about a reuben or a corned beef sandwich but I really did not want to deal with the aftereffects of the gluten and wheat affect on my body and mind. So when the waitress came, I surrendered my 'mental anticipation taste bud voice,' and ordered a ceaser salad with chicken, dressing on the side with a decaf coffee and cream. That night and the next day I was very calmly happy I had done so.

The thing that surprised me is that I did not feel deprived for having taken the healthier route. In my old 'dieting' days, I would have felt deprived and suffered righteously through my salad. Instead, I felt satisfied, peaceful and calm. And I did not feel egotistical about having ordered the salad and being 'good.' Which is also an old mental routine from the 'staying on the diet' days.

These to me are huge steps indicating a continued healing in my psyche and with a huge side affect blessing to my body.

And so life goes on and I go on with it.

I actually did have about a day and a half of cravings this month two days before my cycle started. I thought about Becky staring at her hand (a story in her book), until the cravings past. I just stayed busy and eventually they dissapated. I am grateful for that.

Since beginning this journey, I have lost 9 lbs. I actually did not weigh when I started so I could actually be down 10 or 11 or even 12 but that is not important.

What is thrilling to me is that I am eating delicious foods with no feeling whatsoever of deprivation and the healthy foods (including the healthy chocolate bars and homemade chocolate that I make), taste better to me than the old Hershey's brand or Dove brand of candies. That is a miracle as in the past, I had all the healthy stuff in the house, but nothing would satisfy my disease except as the disease called it "The real stuff.'

So slow but sure I am seeing the light beyond the huge hold of addiction that I have lived in for approximately 35 years of my life. Climbing out for all those years to see the light of day for maybe a week, two weeks, 3 months (when on Optifast) but all with the 'dry drunk' 'white knuckling' struggle of 'diets,' and so always of course falling back down into the hole to wallow once again with shame, guilt, struggle, tears, body pain, loss of self respect, and on and on.

Now why would I want to go back to that?

Thank you God for helping me along this far. Thank you for my life. Thank you for the good days ahead.

My Tools:
"No random eating inbetween 3 moderate meals per day, no matter what."
http://www.dietingrecovery.com
http://www.dadamo.com